Blob Review - The Krazyhouse

As seasoned pros in this ale selling game, we believe at the Blob that you shouldn't really boast about something unless it's a stand out achievement. That's why we don't really go for big window banners banging on about the many awards and compliments we've received over the years. We could if we wanted to, and chief amongst them would be just some of the following (we had to include words in brackets occasionally because those commenting seemed to miss out crucial words, presumably so excited about their visit:

• 'An absolute (watering) hole.'
• 'What a dive(rsion from the daily grind)'
• The bar staff had one hell of an (amazing) attitude.'
• 'The warmest ale i've ever tasted.'
• 'No change (from a quid) in the last 20 years.'
• 'The toilets are scarcely believable.'

Such is our modest nature, we were a bit surprised then to notice that our latest rival inspection, at the Krazyhouse, they had made a big deal about having three floors. We've got three floors ourselves – the floor in the bog, the one behind the door, and the main sticky one under the tables. Like we said, if you're going to boast about something, make it something worthwhile.

What they should be boasting about is the temperature of their bottles of Bud which are the hottest we've tasted outside of Great Charlotte Street - so hot in fact that our glass collector, Robbie, once burnt his lip on a bottle so badly that he couldn't bite the top off our bottles for a whole week around New Year – resulting in us having to smash bottles open over the end of the bar.

The Krazyhouse is one of the founder members of an annoying craze popping up on most of our rivals' premises of late – not being able to get a sign maker in that can spell the name of your alehouse properly. The same goes for 'Beer' off Bold Street, the Beer Cellar in Liverpool One and the Baltic Feet by the Docks, where nobody is allowed to wear any socks.

Once you're in the Krazyhouse you are promised one of the most diverse nights in Liverpool. Now at the Blob, we keep our words quite basic and so we're assuming that diverse means sweaty, and this place is bang on the money. In fact, it's so hot in there that all the lights seem to have blown out and everybody who enters dives in a swimming pool before going in, and just walks round soaking.

Musically, they don't seem to have any karaoke at all which is a bit mad, and we didn't catch any Diana Ross all night. What they lack in good music though, they make up for in entertainment – the bottom floor Village People fancy dress area is an absolute hoot, even if the contestants take it a bit seriously at times.

Overall with their warm ale, saving on the leccy and policy on letting the bogs getting on with being bogs, the Krazyhouse (or the K, as regulars call it, because they think it is O.K) was a big improvement on yesterday's foreign muck selling Salt Dog Slims, earning it a decent rating of 2 and a half lager tops out of 5 warm Fosters.